Where’s Connie? Well, she’s in the Kaplan city jail tonight on assault charges stemming from putting tomatoes in the damn gumbo, again.
Connie Broussard was arrested this morning on assault and battery charges by the Kaplan Police Department after taking a wooden roux spoon after her grandson, Corey P. Melancon. Melancon suffers from blunt force trauma after his grandmother took to his head and beat him down for critiquing her gumbo.
Melancon told Southern Satire News, “Mais, Meemaw been very forgetful lately and doing strange things, like putting the milk in the cupboard and bleach bottles in the fridge. The family finally had enough at Sunday dinner when she put tomatoes in the gumbo and I had to speak up.”
In Cajun culture, people are very divisive when it comes to experimenting with Cajun cuisine. Disney was criticized early this year for a video featuring a “healthy gumbo recipe” called Princess Gumbo that included kale, quinoa, and other bullshit. The video was immediately removed post-haste.
“Meemaw been on dat Facebook recently, sharing Minion memes, selling Plexus Slim, and was criticized herself recently for adding a recipe on Cajun Creole Recipe Circle.” She mentioned using a jar of pre-made roux, so we assumed it was early onset dementia. My sweet Meemaw would never say something like dat, said Corey.”
So far, investigation has shown that Meemaw Connie added tomato to the gumbo, which started the argument, in which her grandson Corey P. Melancon stated she would be “put in a home if she kept pullin’ dat bullshit on ’em.” Connie then took her roux spoon after Melancon and gave him a good pop on his head, which turned into full-fledged assault.
When questioned, Meemaw Connie stated, “Mais, dat no good boy. He don’t know gumbo from a sauce piquant. I saw him put potato salad inside of his gumbo, dat. He deserve a good pop on his head with a good roux spoon. I dare him to put me in a home, dat. I’ll knock him a good one soon as I get out da Kaplan jail!”