Starbucks Coffee Company wows the world with Satanic holiday cups.
Starbucks Corporation is an American coffee company and coffeehouse chain. Starbucks was founded in Seattle, Washington in 1971. As of November 2016, it operates 23,768 locations worldwide. Every year Starbucks releases a coffee cup design that, whether they like it or not, goes horribly wrong. This group is mad because it’s too Christmas-y. That group is upset because it’s not Christmas-y enough. Then there’s some other group that is mad because there is a there’s a tree on it and they identify as a tree or something.
This year, Starbucks said SCREW IT and released an ode to Satanists and naturalists everywhere. The cup is red, features a horned, long-tongued demon with fangs that we can only assume is Satan, not to be confused with Santa if you suffer from dyslexia. The cup also features a boy, or girl maybe? We don’t know, but it’s a short haired, androgynous human that’s crying because Satan is about to beat dat ass or something. Fans of the Netflix horror-thriller Stranger Things are also kinda ticked because it sorta looks like Eleven, the main character from the show. It’s just funny that this cup was released the same week as Stranger Things 2. We can only assume that Starbucks Corporation worships Satan and that they’re evil sinners that want to spread Satanism via paper cups. What’s next? Genocide? Speaking of genocide, are you interested in a crock pot nutria rat recipe for Thanksgiving this year?
In support of the cups is a group called Satanists of Acadiana. They meet at the fountain in the Acadiana Mall every third Thursday, but they’re bummed about this because Starbucks has been replaced by a Coffee Bean. Show your support or dislike of this Satanic-ass cups by sharing and educating the public about this latest fiasco. This is something that Anton Lavey or Aleister Crowley would be proud of. Happy holidays and Hail Satan!
On a more serious note, holiday coffees are BOGO from Thursday through Monday, so getcha ‘self some coffee.