Black Friday is the day following Thanksgiving Day in the United States (the fourth Thursday of November). Since 1952, it has been regarded as the beginning of the Christmas shopping season in the U.S., and most major retailers open very early (and more recently during overnight hours) and offer promotional sales.
After the anarchy that occurred when her local Starbucks announced the seasonal holiday cups featuring Satan on them in River Ranch, a community in Lafayette, Louisiana, this local mom is not taking a chance this Black Friday. Barbara Bergeron learned how to scour the Dark Web from her 15 year old son Brayden or was it Jayden? Mayven maybe? I dunno.
Barbara could just shop online and avoid the crowds altogether. She could also camp out like many of the other suckers so that they can get $100 off an HD television that was built to be $100 cheaper for the shopping holiday. She plans to gear up in her explosive suit and be delivered to the front doors via her boyfriend’s white F-150 truck bed.
The best part is that this River Ranch mom doesn’t need a 90″ UHD 4K HDR Vizio, she just needs to assert dominance this year, so she’s going to trudge through the crowd like a hungry bear. The bigger question is how will she taste all of the free samples that she has no intention on buying the product but act like she’s really interested anyhow.
Just be on the look out this shopping season of all of the angry Barbara’s and Karen’s and women who ask to “speak to the manager.” This could get out of hand very quickly.