Palo Alto, CA – Facebook has announced that they will be launching a new dating service on their social media platform.
The service, simply named “Dating,” has not been given a launch date, but fortunately, Mark Zuckerberg is already looking out for the people who live in the Acadiana area.
Citing Iberia Parish specifically, Facebook’s CEO has promised that there will be an on/off feature in the app for the handful of respectable residents who are forced to live places like New Iberia or outlying shitholes such as Kaplan. This will allow them to view, and eliminate, horny and desperate singles in their area who are members of their immediate family.
It is not known how exactly Facebook’s proprietary algorithms will recognize and determine family connections, but it is suspected that crawfish boil check-ins and proximity to the same Piggly Wigglys on food stamp days will be factors.
Other factors may include the number of times a family member shares porn spam from Cajun Swap 2.0, adds “thoughts and prayers” to news stories on KATC, or makes lewd comments on Grace Lim’s weather reports.
“We’re determined to make love connections across the world,” stated Mark Zuckerberg, “except in New Iberia, because fuck that shit. Ya’ll nasty, sha.”