ULL develops telescopic lens so your ex-boyfriend can finally see his wiener.
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Ex-boyfriend du jour Don Berrifield is ecstatic today as he was the first to try out a new technology developed in Southern Louisiana. The ULL Medical R&D Department developed the world’s first telescopic contact lens. This allows the user to zoom in and out as well as utilize a mechanism to achieve a nominal focus of the subject.

Don Berrifield is excited because the new gadget, debuted at this years CES 2019 conference, allows him to finally see his micro-penis. He no longer has to use gadgets and gizmos attached to televisions or risk burning himself with a magnifying glass. All he does now is look down and command the new tech to 3x zoom.

I was SO pumped to visit ULL today and finally get a glimpse of the little guy. In fact, I always felt like one of those fiddler crabs that you see at Holly Beach because I have normal size body, a very big head with a Solid Snake-esque bandana, and a tiny micro-penor.

In high school, they called me Mr. Peanut.

If you would like more information about this product, please contact Southern Satire or the ULL R&D Department. We are hoping to make a lot of offshore workers very, very happy.

Also, check out this link to the new Crawfish Boil VR Simulator being sold at Play N’ Trade in Lafayette!

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